Valentine’s Day Message: Not “Be Mine” – but “Be Yourself”

From a series of tweets by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo:

Tomorrow is that day, Valentine. Most people think about romance. I will be having a “Happy Loner’s Day” instead. At this point in my life this is exactly as I want it.

This time of year lovely things do happen, weddings, engagements, romantic beginnings – roses and chocolate and the diamonds! Rings! Jewels! The funny thing is how these lovely heartfelt gifts have such a high price tag. It is the expectation part. The jewelry and gifts often are meant to brand your partner as yours. You wear the same rings, therefore – commitment. I believe in family and commitment in relationships – but not the branding kind.

I think it pays to contemplate this whole “romance” thing. Romance is fun. It is hormonal. We are wired to connect to the genes. Studies show compatible genetics are often paired or attracted to each other. It can be very compelling. In general, however, that compelling part doesn’t last. So more important than the ring is the friendship. Often when there is great passion it is difficult when it naturally ages into comfortable love. Maybe we forgot the friendship part. Or forgot to think what you both will do as friends when the bedroom is actually a place to sleep.

To honor a new, (or aging) love think about your partner with empathy and compassion. Try hard not to judge. Try not to make your lover over into your “creature” or creation. Learn about them rather than demanding from them. We are people, on this relative level. Not toys, or objects to complete someone’s world. Many lovers do not talk about goals; like will we have kids? Will we give them a faith that we can join? Will we support each other if the relationship changes? What about money? Will we help each other get ahead? And the signs, do we read them? Is my love selfish? Am I? What secret motivation does the partner have? What are mine? In other words, there is more to it than rings and roses. There are ever-deepening layers in which love lives, and in which it can grow.

As we celebrate the day for Lovers, remember love is not a toy. It is a path to travel with great respect joy, and compassion. And if you end up raising your family with your best friend, like two comfy old slippers, you are blessed. You two have grabbed the brass ring in love. Respect, love, understanding, that is the prize. Please consider this when you “Put a ring on it.” Look your love in the eye and promise a life of caring and a life of love. Happy Valentine’s Day to all. You know those candy hearts? NEW MESSAGE: not “Be mine.” “Be yourself.” LOVE.

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