From a series of tweets by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo:
I am beginning to see that in order to heal from three years of trauma, it is necessary to forgive oneself for allowing it. For being gullible, a total “chump” if you will. I can now see I am angry at myself for not seeing through the game from the first. I see the best in people, to a fault, I think. I just never expect people to be evil and cruel. Or, conversely, do sense wrongdoers but think I deserve to hurt. Once I see it all and forgive me, I can forgive them, I am still working hard on that.
I actually find forgiving the hurters easier than forgiving myself! But without nurturing and forgiving myself, forgiving others will be shallow and weak. I don’t want that. When we (my peeps) and I walk away I pray it will be clean, loving, compassionate, and strong, knowing a disaster has been corrected. Motivation is everything; and I know it is, has been, and always will be pure, to protect Dharma, Palyul, virtue and in general all sentient beings from harm.
So as I study the situation it is very hard. Hard truth to face. Nothing requires more strength than confronting one’s own weaknesses. Nothing is dumber than to blame the hurters without taking into account all sides and factors. I always said about this event that I can forgive but never forget. Not good enough! My wish is to bring this into my practice so thoroughly that I can forgive and forget. To feel innocent again, renewed and confident. I know I will never be the same. Never, too much damage. But maybe I will like and trust this newly empowered “me” I intend to give rise to. And maybe I’ll be older, wiser, etc. I think it is possible for all of us. I hope whatever has happened and will happen here will be of benefit to all who are hurt and alone. I’m on my way now, and others, I hope will follow, and heal.
Copyright © Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo. All rights reserved
My experience is very similiar. I had a terrible childhood full of beatings and mental abuse. It took me along while to realize that I had to forgive them for what they did. Once I finally found forgiveness my life has had a complete turn around. I am now in the process of forgiving “myself”. Its a long trek, but every step is worth it. I can say thanks to the Dharma for helping me along my spiritual path and allowing me to wake up to myself.