From a series of tweets by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo:

It is called neurotic obsession if for even one day one cannot cease rolling something around in the mind or gossiping/talking about it endlessly. It simply is not normal behavior. It defies reason that grown human beings would feel so impotent and empty that they obsess about a strong person.

If I were afflicted with an obsession like that I would most certainly turn the lens of judgment on myself. As a Buddhist we are taught to examine our own minds critically and with honesty. And that to constantly harp on and on putting down others is fundamentally unsound.

To follow someone by watching everything they do and then judge every single move is madness! And to gossip endlessly like hags over a fence is ridiculous to watch. To watch the hagglers turn around and boast at the depth of their practice is just stunning. It seems like insanity!

If their Practice were that deep they simply would not be afflicted with such profound obsession. At first I thought, as I studied this phenomenon, I felt it was based on hatred, and I still feel it is a factor. As time passes, I can feel it is much more complicated than that, and that the judgment and gossip is a sign that their lives are empty of other more normal qualities and abilities. I fear they are lonely, frightened, emotionally arrested people, quite pitiful. They seem to be powerless in their minds and in their lives. I feel the fixation is a way to deal with the sadness and fear, to fill up the great big hole they feel. So it starts as hate, then devolves to fixation, then one sees the neurotic obsession clearly. Is it obsessive/compulsive disorder? I don’t know, not a psychiatrist. And one would have to see their lives and speak with them for the whole story.

However, even a lay person can see that level of sickness and it is frightening. A person that fixated can be dangerous to their victim. There are no healthy judgment calls. They can ruin a person’s life for their own sick reasons. And if not treated can become violent and abusive. Obsessed people may indeed be capable of murder and other heinous crimes if not treated. They seek to be powerful by trying to dominate and control. They want their victim to feel pain and suffering and are prepared to deliver it to them. Most murders of women are by men they know and who fixate on them. So one can see how serious this issue is.

There is no quick or instant fix. Extensive therapy and medications are needed. And prayer and compassion as the afflicted are in pain. Obsession is an indication that there is a poverty of spirit, visible in their lives. And the fear they are too impotent to manage getting ahead. They see their victim as someone who has what they should have, an attitude of entitlement. They fear they cannot measure up. They fear the accomplishment and success of the victim as it shows up their own failures. They constantly compare themselves and their lives with the victim, and find themselves lacking.

It is ridiculous to compare oneself with others. Some will be greater, some will be lesser. It is on the relative level, but that is the level on which this game is played. What good does gossip, jealousy and hate do anyone? What part does this have with Buddhism? None whatsoever. If one wants to do nothing but gossip all day every day, fine by me. But please do not drag Dharma through the mud. Do your old hag gossip thing if you must but stop hurting others. This is wrong Dharma. No excuse for this hurtful behavior. Get the psychiatric help needed. Don’t be afraid to face your own demons, not others. You have work to do. For instance, try some Bodhicitta.

As for the victims, take yourself out of the picture. Turn your back and walk away. Pray for the tormentor, but from a great distance. Understand that this violation of your mind and spirit is not your doing. You do not deserve it. It is a sickness and it is not yours. See the obsessed from a psychological distance that you yourself build. See the sickness is not your burden to carry. The only way you can be hurt is if you buy into sickness as a world view – if you accept the harm done. If you have right view and intention, you can remain proud and strong. You are not the criminal here. So I say again walk away and never look back. You are greater than your tormentors. Heal yourself, build an inner wall to keep the harm out and walk on. You must have something special to be an “object”. Rock on! Do your thing. Savor your strength. Love yourself. See your life as a banquet. Sit down and feast. Let the violators eat the crumbs from your plate. They do not have plates of their own, and that is why they want to take you down. Don’t let them. This is your feast. Enjoy!

But pray for those looking for crumbs under your table. They are tragic lives, have compassion. And kick butt in your life. No one can do it for you and nobody can do it like you can. Stand strong in DHARMA! Only you can be you. ONLY YOU!

Copyright © Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo