From a series of tweets by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo:
I think it is quite difficult to have a deeply beloved family member constantly angry. First I wonder if there is a physiological reason. Then I try to look through their eyes, try to reason out why. Is it me? Is it stress? Is it dietary? Is it spiritual? Or is it just time? Sometimes people resist the time to change out of fear. Or grief. Who really wants another year gone? Kids ready to drive, I guess.
The rest of us know, and sometimes refuse to accept that change is imminent whether we like it or not. Change is scary for most folks. At any rate we make ourselves miserable by resisting change. And impermanence is the only constant. Worse, we make those around us miserable also.
When I grew up there was so much rage that I remain stained by the burn. I have avoided angry people since the last time I trusted one. It ends up badly every time. So if someone close becomes enraged I tend to hide emotionally. Not the best solution, no one learns anything. But often confrontation, even peaceful cannot help long term. The angry one must commit to puzzling out what is amiss. Exercise can help, time off can too. Reassuring the hurting one that you will help if they will help themselves. But no one can carry another’s rage. It is not helpful. No one heals.
Personally, I have a lovely house, and from experience I have learned I will never again walk on eggshells to make someone happy or at least “shut up.” I’m not good at this but I must hold my ground and boundaries. I have little experience in this. I was too weak as a child and fell too hard in love as an adult to protect myself. No more. I know now through three years of pain that I am entitled to make myself a wholesome life. I will not accept abuse from anyone again. What if it is family? Ex’s not counted – how to cope? Day by day, hour by hour, week by week I must stand my ground. I am not saying I will retaliate. Simply this: “no more.” I am a good person and I expect to be treated kindly. If I were to die today I know I have made the world better already. Given the chance I will continue. So respect me.
If anyone can say the same I do respect them. No, not the BS artist. Really better. Nevertheless, I won’t tolerate rage and disrespect any form in my home or anywhere near. Enough already. I guess I’ve finally grown up! And learned enough to take care of myself emotionally.
When and if you come to my well for pure water, do so with a clean bucket and a kind and respectful heart. Or you simply will not drink from this fountain of blessings. I don’t decide. You do, through the strength of pure intention, and as always, love.
Blessings!
OM MANI PEDME HUNG!
Copyright © Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo. All rights reserved
Thank you for this awesome teaching, Jetsunma.
Thank you Jetsunma. I relate to a lot of this teaching